|
|
|
|
|
|
|
strategies may be appropriate for the investor who wants to make changes toward greater control. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To gain greater control in either mode, we need to satisfy a five-step process that has been identified by a number of research and clinical psychologists (Shapiro and Astin, 1998). It is due to a breakdown somewhere in this process that we are unable to effect the changes that we say we want to make. We will list the steps incorporating each mode of control, realizing that what is imbalanced on one side of the equation will be imbalanced in the opposite direction on the other side. The five-step process is made up of the following: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
1. We must start with the desire for greater control. At this point, we need to focus on our choices, goals, and options. From the assertive mode, when our motivation is too low, we need to find a way to increase it or we never make the effort. If we are trying to gain control from the yielding mode, we must admit that we are overcontroling or that our desire can be too high for control. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2. The second step is believing we have the right to change, to act assertively, and that we are responsible for exercising our right for greater control. The whole movement of assertiveness training for women began with helping them believe they had the right to be more assertive in their lives. Often people are not sure they have the fight to change, especially when they feel unworthy of having what they want. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the yielding side, we may need to challenge our excessive belief in our right to control. The person who manipulates others and is insensitive to their needs often has an excessive belief in the right to anything he or she wishes in controlling others. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. The third step is our belief in our ability to make assertive changes. Do we believe we can control our inner world? Do we believe we can gain greater control in the outer world? "Learned helplessness" comes about because of the resignation that we don't believe we have the ability to gain greater control over the external world. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the yielding side, we need to increase our belief that we can learn to let go and accept those things that are out of control; that we can let go of chronic resentment and passive-aggressive ways of showing others that we want to be in control. We must also challenge any overblown beliefs we have in our belief to actively control others and the environment. |
|
|
|
|
|