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6. Now say out loud why you sometimes push too hard to be heard: "Sometimes I'm afraid that . . . " It is important for each part to understand the threat it feels to its survival. It is at this point you want to voice this fear directly. |
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7. Let each part express its mistrust of the other part. "The reason I can't trust you is . . . " Parts often arise out of the need to compensate for certain interests the person has that are not being represented. When they are created, they may initially be mistrustful of other parts. They do not like to give up their suspiciousness unless they can be shown that it is safe and that whatever need they represent will be heard and considered. |
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8. Continue the dialogue, each part doing its best to really hear the other side, until each part feels satisfied that it can compromise and not be so pushy in being heard. |
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9. When both parts have compromised and been able to give something up, let them make an agreement to work cooperatively for the good of the whole self. |
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Do not hurry this dialogue and do not quit when it becomes tough to come up with words for a part. Learning to hear your inner voices is a very potent tool in knowing your own mind more intimately. In the course of practicing psychotherapy, some of the most significant changes people have made were the result of the insights gained through outwardly dialoguing with inner voices. If we want to balance fear and greed, having a grasp of these voices and knowing how to temper them cannot be overestimated. |
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Self-talk is related to inner dialogue but distinct from it. The inner voices are parts of ourselves, representing different needs clamoring for attention and battling with each other for power. These voices are what we hear inside when we separate out the chatter and confusion. They are not usually brought out and verbalized. Because they inhabit the mental realm, they are often slippery, vague, and not easy to hear clearly without some practice. |
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In contrast, self-talk is more conscious, purposeful, and often is actually spoken out loud, sometimes popping out without much forethought. When people berate themselves for hitting a slice off the tee while playing golf, spilling juice on the carpet, get- |
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