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Along with trying risky activities that are new for you, try some activities that you know you like but have avoided because you don't think you do them well enough. Let yourself recapture the interest and excitement you had with these activities before you cut off your excitement by turning it into the fear of not being good enough. |
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Think about the number of activities and projects that you have started but never completed because of a fear of never being good enough. Go back to those dance lessons, learn that instrument, or take that language class. Give yourself a new chance, with an attitude of allowing for mistakes but enjoying it anyway. Approaching an activity with a new attitude, you may experience much more pleasure than you previously allowed yourself. |
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You must be willing to face your own embarrassment of not measuring up and your need to be in control at all times. The more you see that you can cope with being out of control and manage your embarrassment at knowing little or nothing about what you are doing, the more you will be ready to accept that good enough performance is, indeed, something worthy of feeling real satisfaction from. This understanding puts you squarely on the path toward transforming your perfectionism to the healthy pursuit of excellence. |
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The emotion of embarrassment is important in another way. The recognition of your uniqueness, instead of being a good reason to love yourself, is turned against yourself negatively in the form of embarrassment. If you are going to find "perfection in imperfection," as Zen encourages us to do, you have got to be at peace with your own uniqueness. This means overcoming your embarrassment of your individual differences. |
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Perfectionists have a deep fear and mistrust of their individual differences. While they want to stand above others and be recognized as superior to them, at the same time they fear standing out because it makes them feel different. For example, you might be embarrassed by a body part that is not perfectly proportioned, your voice, manner of speaking, or style of walking. Each of these examples may be experienced as making you different and therefore out of step with othersor it may be experienced as an expression of who you are that need not be altered for the sake of pleasing others. One sign of healthy adult maturity is coming to accept, appreciate, and honor one's individual differences rather than be embarrassed by them. This is taking the risk of allowing yourself to truly be yourself. To do so you must view your individual differences through the lens of an attitude called appreciative mind. |
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