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The competitive nature of our society sanctions this "what have you done for me lately?" mentality. It is never enough to set a record once or have one outstanding market performance year; we must do it repeatedly. And if we can't, sooner or later, we are sure to be viewed as nothing more than a vapor trail. |
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Redefining the Terms of Satisfaction |
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One aspect of perfection seeking that is not examined closely enough is the assumed connection between striving for perfect performance and the desire to feel satisfaction. We assume that the better we do something, the more satisfaction we will feel from doing it. While sometimes this is true, it is by no means a connection we can assume is always true. |
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An important step in giving up the pursuit of perfection is for us to break this long-held and unconsciously assumed connection. We must realize that it is possible to feel deep satisfaction with ourselves and our projects even when we don't perform perfectly. Because finding alternative routes to satisfaction is a key to letting go of perfectionistic standards, we will concentrate on tools to help us find these alternatives. |
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We experience satisfaction as a feeling of wholeness, completeness, pleasure, or integrity. It may come from many sources other than perfect performance: doing a job well, filling our inner emptiness, the finding of our true inner goodness and self-worth, winning the respect and admiration of others, or connecting with our own original perfect nature. Despite self-critical judgments of our performance, we continue to desire this satisfaction. Think about your answers to the following questions: |
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How much actual satisfaction do you get from the process of striving for perfection? And how much satisfaction do you derive from your actual accomplishments? When was the last time you experienced satisfaction because you actually measured up to your own perfectionistic expectation? For the sake of argument, let's say that you can actually remember when you last measured up to your standard and experienced a sense of satisfaction. Compared to the infinitely greater number of times you have felt nothing but frustration, self-torture, regret, and inadequacy, does it really seem worth the small chance of measuring up to subject yourself to all this turmoil? Aren't the odds of achieving satisfaction heavily stacked against you when you link satisfaction to perfection? |
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